What Matters The Most
by MoonlightGardenias
Summary: It takes time, but they figure things out. Deacon/Rayna, speculative fic for s4.


Rayna hates hospitals. She's been in them enough over the past few years to know her way around pretty well. Despite nearly losing her life and spending days as a patient herself, it's always the waiting room she finds herself hating the most. She's paced the floor more times than she can count, drank more stale coffee than she'd care to admit, and prayed more than she has in a long time. Every time the door opens, her head pops up, hoping a doctor is there to give them good news.

The girls ask questions, and she and Scarlett do the best they can to provide answers, but it's no use. As much as she can plaster a smile on her face, hug them and tell them Deacon will be okay, she just doesn't know if it's true. What's more is that they have an aunt they haven't gotten the chance to properly know (although considering her behavior around agreeing to become Deacon's donor, Rayna's not sure Beverly getting to know them would be such a good idea) also fighting for her life.

"Why don't you sit down, Rayna? I'll go see if I can find a nurse to give us an update. Maybe they're-" Scarlett stops as she sees the door open. Men and lab coats should be sources of comfort, and yet there's something in the doctor's expression that causes her to worry, pulling the girls in closer and casting a glance in Rayna's direction.

"I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting. There've been some complications. Mr. Claybourne lost some blood. There was clotting. We did everything we could, but..."

Rayna hears some of what he says afterward, but she tunes him out. She tries drawing in a deep breath, but finds that her lungs won't draw it in. Her heart beats fast, beads of sweat start pearling on her forehead, and a wave of nausea hits her. She closes her eyes, shaking her head, but as soon as she does the image of Deacon kissing her one last time before surgery enters her mind. How could someone so full of life just be gone?

She doesn't really register it happening, the bolting for the elevator and running outside, so she's a bit puzzled at the warm air sticking to her like glue and the stars peeking through the clouds. Tears cloud her vision as she half walks half stumbles onto the lawn, leaning her back against the wall and pushing the hair back from her face, clamoring for some sense of control.

"This isn't real. This isn't happening. God, please..." Rayna mutters to herself, leaning forward and resting her arms against her knees. Her lungs burn, begging for air. It takes every ounce of energy she has to breathe.

He'd wanted to marry her. Had she just said yes, they could have gotten the hospital chaplain to make it official, and she could have finally been his wife. But now it's too late, Rayna thinks, regret tugging at her insides. She fishes the ring he gave her so long ago-the one he's given several times since then-from her pocket and slips it on her finger, relishing in the weight of it resting there. They'd said tearful vows to each other before he was carted off to surgery, and while she knew it meant nothing legally, to her they meant everything.

She closes her eyes, drawing in a shaky breath, and she knows at some point she has to force herself back inside. She has to face reality and be strong for her girls, even if it's the last thing she wants to do. They had just gotten to the good part; the part where "in sickness and in health" really meant something. They had found their way back to each other despite all of the pain and the hurt, and the idea that it's over before truly beginning again hurts more than she wants to admit.

Two minutes. Rayna decides she'll give herself two more minutes to pull back together, but then she has to head back inside and be present for the conversations that have to take place. Just as she decides this, she registers the sound of someone calling her name.

"Rayna? Rayna, are you out here?"

"Scarlett," Rayna breathes, her voice hoarse. "Over here."

Scarlett stops mid-step as Rayna steps away from the building. "I checked the chapel first, and then when you weren't there I went to the cafeteria. Thought maybe you'd gone to get more coffee, but it turns out you're out here so..." she pauses, toying with the hem of her sleeve. Her eyes are red from crying, but there's something else there Rayna almost doesn't believe: hope. "Caleb...well, Dr. Rand...he didn't start that conversation very well. Uncle Deacon flatlined, but they've got him back now. He's out of surgery. It's mama that they're more worried about."

"What?" Rayna asks, surprise evident in her voice. Relief mixes with guilt inside of her, because as glad as she is that she apparently took off before hearing the full story, Beverly's life is now at stake more than it what before, and judging from the look on Scarlett's face it's not good. If his sister doesn't make it, they both can pretty well figure out how Deacon will react. "Come on," she says, putting an arm around the girl's shoulders. "We'd better head back."

Maddie launches out of her chair the second she sees Rayna walk back into the room. "Mom," she sobs, clinging tightly to her shirt. "They said we have to wait. We can't just go in and see him."

Rayna sighs, pulling her oldest daughter close. "I know, baby, the waiting's the worst part. But we'll make the best of it." She looks over at Daphne, curled up and clearly doing her best to fend off sleep. It's been a long day, and she knows the waiting won't make it any easier. "I think I saw some cheesecake downstairs earlier. Do you girls know anyone that might like a slice?"

At that they both perk up, and so begins the waiting process. Tandy calls, saying she's on her way, and despite Rayna's protests she insists on waiting with them. When she arrives with Bucky in tow, Rayna can't help put raise an eyebrow in question, but decides to not to push it. Tandy pulls a deck of cards and involves them in a game, but eventually they all tire of it, huddled close in the booth. Daphne is the first to crash, leaning heavily against Tandy's side. Maddie fights it off longer, but her head somehow winds up cushioned on Rayna's lap.

"I'm sorry," Rayna says, reaching a hand out to cover Scarlett's. "About before. When I thought-"

"Don't, Rayna. You can't beat yourself up about it. Truth be told, I would've done the same thing."

A silent look of understanding passes between the two, and from the corner of her eye she can see the curiosity on Tandy's face, but chooses not to elaborate. The girls may be sleeping, but she doesn't think reliving how she thought Deacon died in front of them probably wasn't the greatest idea.

The clock on the wall mocks her each time she looks over, so she makes it a point not to glance in it's direction. She pulls all of the sugar packets out of the container on the table, laying them out flat, before putting them back in again according to color. She picks at a stubborn hang nail, wincing as she sees a pinprick of blood, but glad it no longer bothers her. Bucky tries occupying her with news about the label, about artists that are booking recording time and cutting demos, and it works for a while. He tells her that once it all blows over, there's something they need to discuss, but doesn't say what it is, which causes her to worry a bit. It's Bucky though, so Rayna knows he's just trying to be considerate.

She's not sure how much time passes, but eventually she sees Dr. Rand walking towards their table and perks up. He tells them that while she's not out of the woods, Beverly will make it, and to that Rayna breathes a sigh of relief. "What about Deacon?" she asks, unable to stop herself.

"While he's got a tough go of it ahead, they're transferring him to a room now, where you can visit if you'd like. I'd like to keep visitors limited for the time being, but there's a room much closer to his unit where everyone can wait. I could show you the way, if you'd like."

Carefully, they wake the girls up, and they follow Dr. Rand onto an elevator. When they get off and start turning around a corner, Tandy catches Rayna's left hand, leaning in close. "There may not be a good time," she says, keeping her voice low. "But later on, I'd like to know the story behind this."

It takes Rayna a few moments to realize Tandy is talking about her ring. In the chaos of the evening, she forgot she'd even slipped it on. A smile slips across her face, and she knows she should probably tell her the truth. She and Deacon aren't making official, at least not yet, but as she leans against a wall, too full of nervous energy to sit still, she knows discussions will be had on the subject. For now, she's content in knowing that things are hopefully headed in the right direction. "You go in first," she tells Scarlett.

"You sure?" she asks.

Rayna nods, feeling tears beginning to cloud her vision. "Yeah. I know he's sleeping, but just...tell him we're out here waiting. We're not going anywhere."


End file.
